I feel sick…
I didn’t think it was possible but it is. I’ve never hated another human being so much. I don’t want to be this person but now I don’t know what to believe any more. Fuck keep calm and carry on! How about, flip out and stab a bitch! I hate her fucking guts, stupid cunt. Blah… yuck I just feel betrayed and lied to and so confused. In less than a second everything that I thought could be better turned to shit. I don’t even know if right now is real. I can’t even ask without being lied to. I knew I wasn’t crazy and blind. STOP FUCKING LYING TO MY FACE! I don’t want to hear your bullshit. be straight with me and stop trying to cover your ass because you’ve already broken my heart enough. Is it right that I had begun to trust you again. I thought things were getting better or am I just being played and taken for granted? I had so much hope and I think that’s the worst part… My heart feels empty again and in a few hours when you wake up I won’t be able to tell you what happened in a blink. I hate this! I hate her! I just want to know are things still that way… am I still blatantly being lied to. I wish I could just forget but I can’t and it’s just another wound that will become another scar that you’ll never see. I should have known. I’m begging for something real… for some truth, some honesty. I feel broken again when I thought we were putting the pieces back together. Will everything be fine? Is that all in the past now? For me it’s not… the mention of her name makes me shake with rage… I wish so many things… I wish I could mean to you what I used to. There are moments when I feel so special, like I’m the most important girl in the world but I can’t really believe them no matter how badly I want to. Maybe I should give up and let go. Move away, not for you but for me. Go to cosmetology school and then head north. Start over. Forget you… Gah I just don’t know. I guess I will just have to see what today brings.
